We are more than just Starstuff…

We are more than just Starstuff…

I broke my first tooth on a blackjack when I was seven and I’ve hated the dentist ever since. Creepy old men with big needles who like to inflict pain on children, that was my early experience.  My most recent venture into the world of dentistry, was a relatively painless affair with a rather pleasant young lady who liked to hum as she worked. My God the world has changed. Women dentists, they’ll be driving buses next! Yeah yeah I’m joking of course so keep your powder dry. Really my experience just goes to show that one’s early experiences can taint you for life, for despite my last few fairly uneventful visits to the dentist, I still get a cold chill down my spine when I even think that I may need to sit in that chair.

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It doesn’t apply to everything or indeed everybody, but fears and phobias are easily created as a child and hard to shake off. For years I have struggled with bees and wasps for example, yet I cannot imagine why anyone is afraid of spiders. Oddly enough, when I was a kid I used to catch dirty big bumblers in jars half filled with flowering clover so they’d have ‘something to eat.’ I was even stung by both bees and wasps which was never that bad, so I can’t quite recall where that fear began.

I’m much better these days and even forced myself into a little aversion therapy by standing in  a flowerbed surrounded by literally dozens of bees buzzing around my bare ankles. Wasps still freak me out though. The biggest problem in that regard at the moment is that I have a ruptured bursa in my shoulder, so I have very limited movement in my left arm. As this is wasp season, this week I have twice been buzzed by the angry little baxtards, and instinctively tried to swat them with the arm attached to my messed up shoulder. Well! Jesus wept! The flippin’ pain.

Now I have a theory about wasps that I’d like to share. You see when I was knee-high to a grasshopper, my Ma told me that if you killed a wasp, all the other wasps would know that you killed it.  They would in fact, hunt you down in some twisted insect revenge scenario. The first thing to happen is that they  find the place where their fallen comrade has died by some hyper sense of smell, or perhaps through a super high-pitched call for help with its last breath that we couldn’t hear but they could.  Then and while this part was never fully explained, it was in fact an accepted logic among my peers as a child, every wasp who came across your path, would know that it was you, who had killed their friend.

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Now ok, to be fair that wasn’t exactly what my Ma told me, but I was a kid growing up in different times. We had no telly during the day and we had to fill in the blanks with our imagination. Mine was pretty vivid. Either way, the wasps would get you and they had long memories, and given that I am still being attacked by them, I suspect they pass that knowledge about wasp killers down through the generations.

Somewhere right now, there is a family of wasps sitting around a fireplace, the auld grandpa wasp telling the story about how his great-great-great-great-great grandfather was slain, stamped down in his prime by a little fella called Power and how the family had vowed ever since, to keep track of me so that they would always recognise me to enable them to exact revenge for the death of their beloved family member. He’s probably telling them that in recent times there is a rumour that my left shoulder is fecked and that if they attacked me from that side, not only would I be unable to swat them, but that in making an effort to do so, I would suffer great pain.

It all makes perfect sense of course. Now you see there are a few holes in the story I know, this but let’s not get bogged down by the facts. I learned many things in my Dublin childhood from days of yore, much of which turned out to be less than true.  Like for instance apparently according to Robert Brennan, if you wet your finger and scratched out the contents of your ear and smeared it on your lips, then gave a girl a ‘Frenchie’, she’d get pregnant. Fortunately this turned out to be bad advice which even more fortunately I never tried to follow. To be fair when I heard it at first, even though I was only seven, I was kinda thinking I might  give the whole sex thing a mix.

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Speaking of which the old ear wax thing was only the tip of the Iceberg when it came to dodgy information back then. When eventually at the ripe old age of thirteen, the fine Christian Brothers decided to explain the mysteries of sex to us, they left me even more mystified than I was when I started. There were prayers beforehand, prayers afterwards, all devoutly completed on one’s knees, there was a ‘ladies go up to the auld scratcher first’ to ‘prepare themselves’ though what that involved in that preparation routine I still haven’t worked out ,and they made sure the light was out before you got to clamber in beside them.

Apparently in between prayers, the fella would ask “Are ye ready?” and then there would be a performance of ‘The act.’  The good brothers gave us the  impression that it might be best to get that sort of a thing over with as quickly as possible, so all in all  if it wasn’t for my very confusing, raging hormones, I would have been put off sex altogether at that stage.

Early experiences can be damaging and lasting, if not life changing. I caught my little eight year old tinkler in my zip , a story retold in some detail in another blog and that tear inducing, eye squeezing, butt clenching event, left me scarred for life. It was not a physical scar you understand but an emotional scarring, largely due to the fact that my mother brought in the neighbours from either side of us to help unhook my twinkle from the grasp of the metal zipper. Oh the flippin’ shame! You have no idea how careful I have been with my precious appendage ever since.

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There are some weird aversions for me though. Accordions – I feckin’ hate accordions! Whether it was some Rumplestiltskin-faced, Irish Gypsy cursing, auld gouger that scared the life out me in my pram, or some other lugubrious event that turned me against them, I don’t really know. Maybe I just hate the noise they make but they give me the willies. But my weird pet-hates don’t stop there…oh no.

I don’t even know if they make Charlie perfume anymore, but I can tell you that if you spray it on, I will literally leave the room. In the case of Charlie I recall the actual event that scarred me and it wasn’t good. For some reason back in a time when hot water wasn’t always available, in fact central heating in our neck of the woods was a pure fantasy, some people didn’t see a bath (forget the idea of a shower) except maybe once a week – on a Saturday and it wasn’t unknown for multiple siblings to share the same tub, if not bath water. Ah the good auld days.  It should come as no surprise therefore, that the occasional burst of body odour didn’t catch you off guard as much as it might in today’s shower obsessed, deoderant infused world. It was not uncommon to sit beside someone on a bus and get a belt of B.O. You just took it in your stride unless it was particularly bad.

The problem of course, was that I was brought up under the theology of sugar and spice and all things nice, relative to snips and snails and puppy dogs tails, so one didn’t expect girls to have quite the same stank as us scruffy street playing boys. To some extent they generally weren’t as bad as us lads to be fair, whether the auld rhyme was true or they actually washed more often was debatable, but with the odd exception, I was happy with the general principle that girls …well… smelled fresher.

As we hit our teens there were attempts for some girls to mask the odd festering odour with perfume and embedded deep in my mind is the combined smell of Charlie over sweat. O sweet Jebus! Specifically, I recall being cornered by an amorous young lady who had spent quite a bit of the evening at the school Disco actually dancing.  The upshot was a rather pungent odoriferous outpouring that became particularly malignant when she attempted to mask if with the aforementioned Charlie. 

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Lord above she trapped me in a corner and in her sleeveless dress raised one arm against the wall near my face as she tried to flirt with me. I have a strong gag reflex at the best of times but it really was too much. To this day the bang of Charlie would make me physically sick, even without the added puissance. I suppose whether we like it or not, the things that happen to us in our lives influence our behavior and our way of thinking.  Whether it is being stung by a wasp, getting trapped by sweaty betty at a school disco, catching your nethers in a zipper or something perhaps far more deep and meaningful be they small things or great, we are more than our genes. I remember a quote from Carl Sagan;

“The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.

But of course we are much more than that…

Haven’t read a Max Power book yet?  I think it’s time to pick one up.
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Darkly Wood II The woman who never wore shoes, Larry Flynn, Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
You can find more details about Max Power’s books here : –
http://www.amazon.com/author/maxpower
https://maxpowerbooks.wordpress.com
fhttp://facebook.com/maxpowerbooks
twitter @maxpowerbooks1

Universal book links
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood-II
http://getbook.at/Little-Big-Boy
http://getbook.at/Larry-Flynn
http://getbook.at/Bad-Blood

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It’s to Hell in a handcart for me…

It’s to Hell in a handcart for me…

Following on from my recent post on the art of bending the truth, I caught myself in the act yesterday. It turns out that I’m not just a liar but I am a dirty, rotten, filthy liar of the highest degree…and that’s just my opinion. It all started as I chatted with two friends of mine and we were talking about one of my buddy’s favourite fantasies, winning the lottery.

The thing is, he has this theory. As he puts it, the winning lottery ticket is always purchased in some small sh*t-hole of a shop in the arse-hole of nowhere. Whether or not he has any scientific evidence to back this theory up is irrelevant. Perception is his reality. The upshot of this is that anytime we end up in some God-forsaken, back of the beyond outpost on the road to nowhere in Ireland together – and we do occasionally – he insists on buying at the very least, a scratch card. It is something he does with great gusto.

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The first time I experienced this was when we were travelling through the wilds of Donegal and we stopped for a toilet break after a long drive at a service station. There was a Lotto sign outside and as he rubbed his hands together he explained his middle of nowhere lotto winning ticket selling shop theory.

Now it really was a tiny place with only one toilet so I decided to buy us a couple of coffees to go while he went for a wazz. We hit the till at the same time and as I paid for the coffee I did my usual flirt with the auld dear taking my money (Can’t help it – what can I say)

“We were just wondering why all the local shops around here employ models to work for them?” I gave her a twinkle.

“Go away outta dat” says she, her false teeth nearly falling out of her mouth. “You fellas from Dublin would try to charm de burds from de trees”  She’d sussed the accent straight away. We both smiled and my friend chirped in..

“Don’t mind him, he’s outrageous.” I smiled and changed the subject.

“My young friend here has a theory that the winning lottery is always sold by beautiful women in far flung places.” She giggled. The poor woman looked like an auld wan who hadn’t giggled in years. “You’d better give us a couple of scratch cards.” She actually blushed as she Zimmer-framed her way to get them.

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Now here’s the thing. I’m not a lottery ticket kind of person. I couldn’t be arsed. But apparently there’s a  whole lottery ticket buying etiquette that I was completely unaware of.  She handed me two tickets and I pulled them apart giving one to my pal. Well Fup me if he didn’t look like I had stood on his mother’s grave.

You see the shopkeeper has to decide who she gives the ticket to… did anyone reading this know that? I sure as hell didn’t. If you didn’t, let me explain. By all accounts there is an actual chance that one of us could win money on the stupid things and while that would be a good thing, by me taking charge of the distribution of the two tickets, I interfered with the random nature of the mystical world of good and bad luck. What if I won? Maybe that ticket was destined for him…and vice versa of course. I told him I’d share. He said I could fup right off if he won. He’s a good friend that way.

It was all good fun but I learned just how seriously people can take such things, which brings me on to my earlier reference to me being a good for nothin’ low down two bit varmint of a liar. You see the two lads were chatting with me as I sat at my desk and reminiscing  about the self-same lottery story I just told you, when I kinda went into ‘let’s run an auld fable up the flag pole and see how far I can hoist it’ kind of mode. They started talking about Winning Streak lottery cards, where if you get three stars or some such nonsense, ( I’m not really sure I only really zoned in at that point) you get to go on a TV show and win prizes.  Good old Roberto start complaining because he’d saved up a bucket load of qualifying cards and sent them in, yet he still didn’t get on the show.

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Now I’m not a bad man and I’m not religious, but if there is a God who made me, he endowed me with certain gifts, so I can’t help myself.

“Sure you’ve feck all chance of getting on there – it doesn’t matter how many tickets you send in. It’s weighted.”

Now for the inexperienced yarn spinner, or for the suckers out there who have fallen for such a line, this is what we call the bait.

“Weighted?”  they both seemed very sceptical and it’s at this point a lesser man would falter. Not me.

“Of course it’s weighted – by county.” I watched the sneers of disbelief and then I tossed a shiney lure into the water.  “Sure otherwise with a quarter of the population in Dublin- then throw in Cork, the poor auld Culchies (Country people)  would never get a look in.”

“I could see them thinking about this, they needed more persuading. Have you ever watched the show?” Says I who never watched the show but knowing full well they did…and here’s where I took the gamble to nail the story. “Its wall to wall Culchies. Lads from Monaghan and Cavan, Rosscommon and Leitrim for feck’s sake. I mean Leitrim! Sure there’s only 12 people in Leitrim and half of them are in the one family.”

Now in fairness to lovely Leitrim and the lovely people of Leitrim, this is some way from the truth, but the hyperbole worked.

“Now that you mention it…”oooh I had them. But you see here’s where I caught myself.

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As I was filling the pair of them with a load of auld guff for no other reason than my own amusement, I found myself googling The National Lottery. Before I knew it I had searched for how draws were made for Winning Streak and if they were weighted by county, like I had told the lads ever so convincingly. Well I’ll be damned! It had finally happened.

After all these years, I had told a tall tale so feckin’ convincingly that even I was starting to believe the tripe coming out of my own mouth. I was googling a non-fact to see if it was true – I doubted myself.  I was wondering if what I had just said was true! When you can make up stuff of such quality that even you begin to believe it, you’re in trouble. I’m telling you, I am going to have to repent and change my ways. If there’s a Hell, they’re down there rubbing their hands thinking, “That one’s in the bag.”

But what will I do if I can’t tell the odd innocent tale, albeit a little far-fetched at times. I can’t help it if I have the gift! I’m so full of sh*t that if I don’t let some of it out from time to time …sure I’d explode and no one wants to clean up that mess let me tell you. Now I’m afraid I have to go, there is a limo waiting outside to take me to an awards ceremony. Apparently I have won an award for best looing and most desirable Irish male… no seriously…It’s outside now… Really…

Haven’t read a Max Power book yet?  I think it’s time to pick one up.
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Darkly Wood II The woman who never wore shoes, Larry Flynn, Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
You can find more details about Max Power’s books here : –
http://www.amazon.com/author/maxpower
https://maxpowerbooks.wordpress.com
fhttp://facebook.com/maxpowerbooks
twitter @maxpowerbooks1

Universal book links
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood-II
http://getbook.at/Little-Big-Boy
http://getbook.at/Larry-Flynn
http://getbook.at/Bad-Blood

A satirical peek through the window…

A satirical peek through the window…

As an outsider, it would be easy to mock when I look at the current President of the United States of America, but my mother always said ‘Mocking is catching’ so I try not to, even when mocking a man like Donald Trump is the equivalent of scoring an open goal.

I think the problem for most people outside of America and indeed for many Americans, is that they misunderstand the nature of what has happened and indeed what continues to happen right under their noses. Donald Trump’s ascent to kingship has been not unlike most 20th century dictators. The rise to power of Joseph Stalin and Adolf Hitler, bear many resemblances to the current American President’s elevation to the White house and his efforts to maintain control of his position of prominence….Not that I’m suggesting anything mind…

The chattering classes, the literati, the educated, well-healed, educated middle classes miss the point entirely. While they criticise and reel at his ever increasing absurdity, they are singularly complicit in his rise. In dismissing him during the time of his ascension, they forgot about those who felt disenfranchised. That he appeals to the less affluent, less educated American is no coincidence. Again 20th century dictators appealed to the same demographic, pointing fingers at the wealthy, powerful elite as the cause of their problems.  That Donald Trump himself belongs to the wealthy elite is irrelevant and therein lays the paradox for those that would wish him unseated from his throne. He speaks with a simplicity that his loyal audience crave. What is said is less relevant than how he says it. He doesn’t seem to care. He gives the impression of a man who is not bothered by what the nay-sayers say and he tells his audience that he does this to stick up for them. When the press slated him pre-election, he told his followers that they were trying to silence him and by reflection, them.

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He has elevated himself to saviour, the voice of the people standing up to all the bad people who have kept them living in hardship for years. His vacuous promises sound sweet to the ears of the dispossessed.  He will take back what is theirs and they will flourish. Although he hasn’t changed their lot, that really doesn’t matter – why? Because of the enemies of the people, the Democrats, the fake news, the liars and fools he has had to sack, and the people who are out to get him. His enemies are their enemies and there are plenty of them, but do you know what? They are only proving his point, that the establishment doesn’t want him to help the down to earth, hardworking, God fearing, ‘real’ and patriotic Americans who support him. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

He is mighty, building walls to keep out pesky Banditos who will surely rape murder and pillage at the first chance they get. He built up ‘Rocket man’ to be a far greater foe than he ever truly was, to demonstrate that he could win on a world stage. He slags off historical allies, because they disagree with his actions and has private meetings with the man many suggest bought him the last election, despite being the traditional enemy of America. The world is laughing at him but he doesn’t care, for he knows the average American doesn’t look outside their locality for news. He plays to the local audience, panders to his followers and his detractors lose sight of the ball in his three cup shuffle.

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Perhaps it is arrogance that has begun the undoing of America. A once well respected nation, has become an International joke because of one man. The propaganda machine that is Hollywood, has been so effective in portraying the importance of one man, one office, that of the U.S. President, that when a buffoon takes the office, that buffoon becomes the personification of all Americans.  Such blockbuster movies like Independence Day and Air Force One (to name 2 of many) may seem innocuous, silly pieces of entertainment, but they are just a tiny example of how much of the world sees America.  No one believes they are true of course, but propaganda is pernicious. They in fact portray American Presidents as heroic, displaying all the fantasies, idealistic characteristics that many Americans would like to see in themselves, bravery, loyalty, patriotism all to their last breath if necessary. The truth of course is entirely different. Presidents are career politicians for the most part. Ambitious men with very particular agendas and far less power than most Americans believe…Yet…

Along comes a spider, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, the village idiot, promising a great America, building walls to keep out enemies, promising jobs and goodies for all. While the sensible people dismissed him, he baseball-capped and hoo-ra’d his way into the minds of those who had nothing to lose and little to gain from traditional leaders. Could he? Would he? And they began to believe, and then…

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Once elected, much like his 20th century counterparts, the King set about ensuring no one would take his throne. Still reeling from the surprise, those thoughtful Americans, the ones who believed they lived in a democracy, where their opinions would win out because those were the ones they read in the papers and saw on TV, were blindsided by a  man intent on reinventing the American system, squandering the goodwill that generations had built up. My mother would say he needs his arse slapped.

All news is fake news. Everything the man says can be unsaid, then resaid to mean a different thing.  By dispossessing the free press of its moral authority, the man without any, no longer needs it.  All he needs now is authority. Morals be damned.  Racism, bigotry, chauvinism, and throw in anything you like, here we now have a U.S. President who can say and do what he pleases. It doesn’t matter that he said the opposite last week. It doesn’t matter if it is true or false because as he has convinced the masses – all news is fake news.  The only truth is what he tweets and only for as long as it takes for him to write the next one.

I listened to a woman in Alabama being interviewed about why she voted for Trump instead of Clinton. Her main reason wasn’t blue or red, left or right, policy or direction. Her main reason was that Hillary was a woman. In her best Alabama accent she told the reporter that “Bein’ President ain’t no job for a woman.” I sh*t you not.  It would be so easy to dismiss this woman’s opinion as a freakish thing, not representing what ordinary decent Americans think. But that is how America – a very particular part of America has missed the point.  Whether it’s simmering racists interpreting Trump’s loose language as support, or unemployed steel workers fantasising that this Donald fella will help them out, it doesn’t matter. He has found a rich vein of support among the least possessed.

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When the man calls third world countries Sh*t holes, and while the New York Times reader might be shocked, there are some raising a sneaky smile of admiration, mistakenly believing that this un-presidential language, demonstrates a courage that other, disconnected Presidents lacked. When he says build a wall and equates desperate migrants to rapists and gang- bangers, he is not without support from people who listen to bar talk and see the world through sound-bites.  Not for them, lengthy thought-provoking arguments about the true nature of the plight of those who cross the border into America every day. Implicit in what he says are age old tactics of fear and protectionism. He might as well say ‘They’re taking our jobs and our women.’ He is a veritable arse slapper, biting his lip not to use the N word and everyone can see it. What the good folk, the ordinary decent American keeps forgetting, is that he’s not the only one…

American racism is part of the culture at this stage. It is undeniable except for those who say some of my best friends are Black – sorry African American.  It is endemic.  Rosa Parks bus issues may seem a long time ago, but that world is a world in living memory for many. Identifiers like Hispanic, African American, and Muslim American only highlight the disparity in America.  Where are the Americans?  Isn’t everyone born in America American?  Lessons learned from conflict are ignored in America because, technically there has been no conflict – no war. The white supremacists of the 1960’s were not defeated in any battle. They slinked off into the night.  They haven’t gone away you know. But differences need to be put aside to create equality.  True equality comes from believing and acting out on those beliefs and if I stopped ten random Americans, would most honestly not display some form of racial or religious bias? It isn’t just in America that racism exists of course, but it offers tantrum throwing narcissists with a little bit of power place to start…

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Mr. T can hint at, then deny.  The hint gives a nod to the extreme view.  Hinting that he thinks women are sexual objects gives him currency in some areas, denying what he said as the media creating fake news, gives him a get out clause. I love women he says.  The Hispanics love me, he tells the world. Hinting that racism is ok, works the same way and ‘Fake News’ is his denier.  Kicking Muslims out, building a Mexican Wall, deriding third world countries are all washed away with the catch all of fake news. That he can call a woman ‘A dog’ is honestly astounding to me. Frankly it has astounded much of the “fake news media” but they’re out to get him of course. ..

I watched one of the most popular Irish politicians ever, later to be exposed as a crook and a thief, debate with another Irish politician, an educated, thoughtful man on TV.  The latter, explained in great detail what needed to be done to right the faltering economy and he supported his argument with statistical analysis.  The former responded with a sneer and a flick of his hand, dismissing the argument with one word. “Statistics!” He, like Trump won on populist, simplistic, lowest common denominator politics and it took years for us to find out just how corrupt he was. By then it was too late. America beware.

Now the scene is set. One term down, the opposition so bewildered still by his ability to fool ‘the people’ with his blatant lies and hypocrisy, that there is no viable candidate to stand against him next time round.  What will happen then? He will certainly be buoyed by a second election success and with no third term on offer, it will be time to take the same route as his 20th century counterparts. If he can’t change the rules to stay in power Putinesque style, then he will find another way. Watch out for crackdowns on free speech, imagined threats from within and without, maybe even a pseudo war to clinch the deal. What deal? Why the one that keeps the same president but gives him a new title, official or not, Donald Trump – President for Life. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya…

Haven’t read a Max Power book yet?  I think it’s time to pick one up.
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Darkly Wood II The woman who never wore shoes, Larry Flynn, Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
You can find more details about Max Power’s books here : –
http://www.amazon.com/author/maxpower
https://maxpowerbooks.wordpress.com
fhttp://facebook.com/maxpowerbooks
twitter @maxpowerbooks1

Universal book links
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood-II
http://getbook.at/Little-Big-Boy
http://getbook.at/Larry-Flynn
http://getbook.at/Bad-Blood

The reckless quiet that I’ve become…

The reckless quiet that I’ve become…

There is a thief in the heart that steals away the sweetest of things. It wears a cloak and is invisible until it is too late. Hearts are the soft, kind workings of our souls, the part of us that bleeds a little too easily and that takes the longest time to heal.

Unkindness can come from anywhere, even from those that love us most. I should know because for all my best intentions I can be as cruel as anyone without even raising a finger, sometimes without even knowing. But it is not just barbs that pain the heart. Hearts need tending, for hearts get lonely so very easily. They get lonely in the biggest of crowds and in the friendliest of spaces. Hearts need reminding that they are loved. There is no excuse to leave a loved heart to its own devices; it is a cruelty that does not deserve forgiveness.

There is a tick tock to our love clock, a beating rhythm that ebbs and flows quietly but ever steady in the background of our days.  It is a beautiful, wonderful sound that has illuminated my life through the affections of the woman I love ever so much.  My gentle joy, the iron for the crinkle it contains to smooth out the creases in my soul. I can never be worthy of such tender love. My heart can only click its clank and hope to tenderise my tears when I fall short of the mark.

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Sometimes sadness is all that we have. If like me melancholy is your beginning, finding your way to the end can seem like a journey that is too hard to make. Days can be long, nights longer and when darkness descends there is very little you can do to without a light to guide you. We all need a light to shine on occasion and it is important to remember that sometimes you are not the only one who is wandering lost in the dark. I am a forgetful selfish man and need to be reminded that the world does not just carry me; there are other travellers in the dark, waiting for a hand to hold.

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My older brother died eight years ago today and it seems like those years have disappeared. Perhaps my melancholy has stolen them from underneath my feet.  I am older now than he was when he died and it lies heavy on my mind, especially of late. I suspect the stupid physical pain I have been struggling with recently has not helped, for it has worked like a drill to bore a hole deeper into the darkness through which I have descended. But looking down I see no one else, looking down I can see only the darkness of my fate and although I know where this all leads, I also know that the road back to finding even a moment of joy, can only be seen by looking up. Sometimes it is easier to look down. But sometimes is unforgiveable.

Like I said, I have a selfish heart. It pfhutters and stutters, closes the shutters and strangles my compassion, dampens my passion, wallows me in me, sets the selfish free. Where now my sparkle?  There was a damp fizzle-pop sound and out it went .I need it back now please, I need to feel the squeeze of a smile for a while. What use am I to the one I love if I fall from above to the pit, to the darkness? I become a hindrance in that dark, an anti-lark to drag the world around me back under the covers.yyyyI’m disappearing it seems. There was a me once, but I’ve lost him as I fade, a tired and jaded shadow, a freckle not whole, a speckle, translucent, transparent and there is no heir apparent waiting to appear from under my skin. I am not afraid, I am unmade perhaps, a little collapse of my foundation, undermining my station which has seen me stumble of late.

I find myself unworthy of the hearts of those that mean the most to me. Lost in my abstention, there is no deserving redemption for the unforgiveable me, the crumbling missing me, when I wallow in my hollow and forget to lighten hearts and touch the parts of smiles that make them rise.  And what of this mess, this cardboard cut-out mindless me that is blind but can still see, the reckless quiet that I have become. I suspect there is little hope left if I cannot become un-bereft, if I cannot find the sun again. There is always an ember, a sparkle to remember and all I have to do is find it. Then perhaps I can be the twinkle that other hearts need, be the light and not the mist , and bring the smiles to the lips I love the most…

Haven’t read a Max Power book yet?  I think it’s time to pick one up.
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Darkly Wood II The woman who never wore shoes, Larry Flynn, Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
You can find more details about Max Power’s books here : –
http://www.amazon.com/author/maxpower
https://maxpowerbooks.wordpress.com
fhttp://facebook.com/maxpowerbooks
twitter @maxpowerbooks1

Universal book links
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood-II
http://getbook.at/Little-Big-Boy
http://getbook.at/Larry-Flynn
http://getbook.at/Bad-Blood

 

Speaking Swedish, Naked Danish women and the odd Bengal Tiger Hound…

Speaking Swedish, Naked Danish women and the odd Bengal Tiger Hound…

It turns out I’m a dinosaur for keeping spare shoelaces in my car. Long story, don’t ask me.  That I’d consider having things repaired instead of fecking them out is apparently so last century. I wouldn’t mind but I’m about as useful as a mouse in a cheese factory when it comes to fixing things. The real fixer-upper in our house is in truth my beloved Jo. Go girl.

Now my old man was a chancer. He has long since passed but he knew he was a chancer.  If you told him the slates on the roof were broken, he’d convince you that he could fix them. It wouldn’t matter that he’d never done it before.  Brakes on your car gone? Paddy could fix that no bother and he’d do it with the ubiquitous fag hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He was an incredible man for the B.S. and well, you know what they say, black cat black kitten.

liar

I guess I’m tarring myself with his brush so to speak but I really can’t help myself sometimes. To be honest (if you can believe me) I am a very truthful person. It’s just that sometimes it is too irresistible and I am so good at lying that I have to purge the ability in a non-harmful way.   I wouldn’t normally lie to a soul I swear, but some people come into my life and well… they are asking for it.

It’s like the time I grew a beard for the first time. By beard I mean real beard, not the fluff I thought was a beard when I was a teenager.  I Turned up in work with a beard and some poor fool had to ask – “Why did you grow the beard?” Have you ever heard such a stupid question?

Now I could have said anything. I like beards, my face gets cold, I’m too feckin’ lazy to shave. Oh no not me. The lying B.S. gene kicked in. ‘It’s for the St. Patrick’s Day parade” I said and went on to explain that I was appearing on a float in the parade for a local charity dressed up as a member of U2.  I was going to be The Edge I told him.

zguitar

Now the thing is, he wasn’t alone when I told him. There were a good ten people in the office and the really funny thing is that I was so convincing that a week later, two of them told me that they had actually seen me in the parade! I kid you not, now that’s some serious B.S.

I wanted to be like Superman. You know, like using my special power only for good, but it turns out the best use for being able to lie at the drop of a hat, is mischief making. I can’t help it, I enjoy a bit of fun. If someone says something like “I got this in Hearth and Home,” my likely response is something like; “You don’t shop in Hearth and Home do you?” I won’t at that point have a planned follow-up story but it could be anything, for example; “You know they use disabled Chinese children to make their products don’t you?” (They don’t or at least to the best of my knowledge they don’t, but you see where I’m going)  Most people tell me to Feck off at this point, but there’s always one who can’t help but take the bait.

There’s the ‘I love Michael Buble’ type of lady to whom I will have to explain that he is of course not interested in women and while they may be very beautiful, he would more likely be interested in me. Again only some take the bait but I can be convincing. Telling me that he’s married won’t work. All handsome, talented men are gay, its a fact – except for me- the obvious conclusion that should be drawn from this, is that not only am I handsome and talented, but basically the only game in town. 

ztt

I was once out on a date with the lovely Jo, when a group of people started speaking Swedish at the next table. She didn’t know me all that well back then so I explained to her that I spoke Swedish. I don’t speak it of course but I had a good back story trust me.  I then proceeded to eavesdrop on their conversation and tell her the juicy gossip.

Then there was the story about waking up naked in a tent in Australia in with 2 Danish women who didn’t speak English and no memory of how I got there (in my younger days of course) and the story I once recounted about having a date with Kylie Minogue, not to mention the countless tall tales I have told children in my family over the years. None of it harmful and all done in the best possible taste.

One time my niece and nephew were tired on a walk through the phoenix park in Dublin.  Now if you’ve never heard of the place it is in fact the largest enclosed park in Europe and it houses both the Irish president’s residence and the U.S. Ambassador to Ireland’s residence (that features in my book Larry Flynn by the way) and the Dublin Zoo among other things. Anyhoo… the two little darlings began to complain on the way back out of the park that they were too tired to walk.

There was only one thing for it. I explained that it was getting late and indeed the light was fading. This was therefore a fact. The other fact that they already knew, was that the zoo was in the park. What they didn’t know I explained to them, was that every evening at five o’ clock, the zookeepers let the animals out to run free in the park and stretch their legs.  It made sense to a five and seven year old. Then all I had to do was to throw in the odd “What’s that?…ssshh…listen…” That, combined with what were clearly lion footprints (on the trail were lots of people walked dogs) meant only one thing. We couldn’t hang around.  I never saw two kids move so fast. Kids are easy.  One small scar on my arm has been the result of a shark bite, a tiger attack and a bolt of lightning.

zztig

When I say I can’t help myself, I really can’t. A passing dog walker once asked me what breed my mutt was. I could have said mongrel but before I knew it I had not only told him that she was a Bengal Tiger Hound, but when he expressed interest, I told him the entire history of the fictitious breed and how it had got its name, being used as it was during the days of the British Empire in India to flush out tigers in a very peculiar manner. I know I’ve told the story in a previous blog about telling a bus full of overseas colleagues  in Paris, that I had once been proposed to at the top of the Eiffel tower… Do you remember that one… I turned her down… she was too needy … the Brazilian lingerie model…what am I like?

zzmod

I blame it on the lack of good telly when I was a small child. We actually had to entertain ourselves and well I guess that’s where the story telling began. My mother was a thwart, my father and brother were total scoundrels when it came to telling a tall tale, it’s no wonder I am thus afflicted.

Fortunately I can tell the difference between having a bit of fun and actually telling ‘bad’ lies. I wouldn’t even call them lies to be fair. They are more like miniature happy creations, never designed to cause hurt only used for fun and not just mine, never mean spirited and constantly creative. Fortunately I have found an outlet for my desire to spin the odd tale or two… Best get back to my latest book… It won’t be long now you know…

Haven’t read a Max Power book yet?  I think it’s time to pick one up.
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Darkly Wood II The woman who never wore shoes, Larry Flynn, Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
You can find more details about Max Power’s books here : –
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Universal book links
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood
http://getbook.at/Darkly-Wood-II
http://getbook.at/Little-Big-Boy
http://getbook.at/Larry-Flynn
http://getbook.at/Bad-Blood