I asked a friend of mine from Sligo this morning what he thought of Donald Trump being elected and in his best, softest lilting Sligo accent he said… “Ah” followed by a suitably short pause and then one more word which he felt summed up the result … “Americans.” It’s probably a sentiment being echoed about the place today as the news spreads. Ah America what were you thinking. You do know now, that you are basically the country with bad hair. Yep that’s who you just became. Poor auld Donald wakes up every morning and looks in the mirror and thinks …yeah lookin’ good! Yep and you’ve elected him. Worse still, he’s surrounded by people who can’t say, “Seriously Donald, you can’t go out looking like that!”
My other half tells me if my tie doesn’t match, she definitely wouldn’t let me go out looking like a prize tool that’s for sure…and that’s a good thing. That he can go out with an orange face and that…hair, shows really poor judgement. It should have been clue number one folks. But look, don’t panic. He is going to embarrass you around the world and for those of you that know that, just look away. For those of you who can’t see that, well keep taking the tablets.
But here’s the rub. I have some bad news to impart so you had best sit down. Are you sitting down America? Grand so how can I put this. It is no big deal. You’re making a fuss out of nothing whether you’re a big Trump fan or a Trump hater. So he’s a tool. He is not the first tool you’ve elected as president; no doubt he won’t be the last. OK so populism has won the day, big swinging appendages.
The truth is that most Americans seem to be under the mistaken impression that America is the most important country in the world. It isn’t true. The American media encourages that falacy as it looks inward so much and Hollywood has completely tricked you. Don’t worry; don’t concern yourself that like in the movie Independence Day, Donald trump will have to face down some Alien hoard with a machine gun in one hand and a cigar in the other – Not going to happen!
Donald Trump won’t have to fight off hijackers on Air Force One and land the plane himself – Definitely not going to happen. He has a big desk and a roundy office. He ain’t going to war with the Chinese; he buys their steel for his hotels. He is not going to build a wall around Mexico and some of you might be disappointed by that others delighted but again – ain’t going to happen.
In all likelihood, you will get to realise what kind of man you’ve elected over the next four years. That the majority of you seem to be able to ignore his bad hair, misogynistic, racist rantings and his comfort with lying openly and defending the indefensible, is something that will come back to haunt you no doubt. But in the end, as he carries out his duties over the next four years, these ‘quirks’ of his character will deeply affect your daily lives. But you voted for him and what that brings, you get to experience and judge for yourselves.
But like I say, you’ve invested way too much in the notion that the president of the United States is all that important. He has way less power than you imagine and the sad truth is that he won’t make America great, he will perhaps make you suck air through your teeth occasionally and say things like, “wish he hadn’t done that” but that’s the height of it. If you’re gay or pro-choice, that’s a different matter because no doubt he will appoint some very conservative judges to the supreme court but in fairness, the majority of you guys voted for that so love it or hate it, that’s what happens in elections.
On this side of the pond we’ve long since learned that our leaders are a bunch of muppets. You get the government you deserve, by which I mean, if you vote for someone, you’ve made that choice as a group and you have to live with it until next time you get to vote. We’ve had some doozies let me tell you but I never lose sleep over it. If you want to see prime WTF politicians, google Jackie Healy Rae.. and you think Donald’s hair is bad.
It could be worse. In your now seemingly totally populist culture, you could have been offered Kim Kardashian as a candidate. Imagine if you woke up this morning having elected her as President! I know what your fine upstanding Mr. Trump would say about that… It might involve a slap to the posterior to start with, followed by an indecent proposal and after she rejected him, he would toss as a minimum some sexist comment like, “At least me and Kanye have somewhere to rest our beer.”
Now there’s an idea! Next time around Kim for the Democrats against Donald going for his second term. You thought you had a bad choice this time around? Best of luck America, we’ll be thinking of you, sure ye’ will be grand… oh and try not let him out on his own too much…
Max Power’s books include, Darkly Wood, Larry Flynn Bad Blood and Little Big Boy
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