A little bitty tear

There is a little piece of me that likes to cry.  I have  a tear on standby, waiting to roll should the opportunity present itself and I know it is there ready to go given the right incentive.  Outwardly at least I present as a happy, positive, almost if not frequently gregarious individual, quick with a quip and optimistic to the core.  But melancholy is a devilish sneak thief and while I smile and laugh, it steals from me and I am often its willing victim.

I don’t dwell on the sadness that pervades my soul.  I know it is there and sometimes I allow myself to peek into the darkness from whence it comes but only sometimes.  There is therefore a little piece of me that likes to cry and there is on occasion even the need set the tears free.  Unfortunately my self diagnosis and emotional self therapy have limited success so I know that the darkness must be kept at bay for fear it takes over and changes who I am at heart.

So what do I do with this sneaking nemesis and where do I hide from its grasp?  If you ever get the chance to read a Max Power book, read it with what I have said in mind and you will find that I  infect my characters with the darkness that I carry as though it might lighten the load and I believe that it does.  Whether it gives soul to the ink created names on my page I can never be sure.   I certainly hope it does.  The heart of my wonderfully elusive Benjamin in Darkly Wood is infused with it and despite appearances when first you get to meet the inequitable Larry Flynn, he too carries his share of my burden.

My joy and happiness in life that largely comes from the love I get from those around me, shines a light to conquer the darkness, to keep me from danger.  But just to be safe, to be sure, to be sure, I will always give a little piece of my soul and an occasional spray of melancholy to enliven my creations in ink, to breathe life into their bones and add weight to their existence.  When you find happiness in my characters, well, I stole that from someone else.  When it comes to my happy thoughts, I need all that I can get so I keep them to use like Peter Pan.

Many of us daily fend off the sneak thief and I can only speak to my own strategy.  But knowing is a start.  I know it is there lurking, waiting for the chance to spoil my fun, so I carry a smile and I am often quickest with the joke to make those around me smile so I can bask in their smile’s reflected glow.  But I know too that a little piece of me likes to cry, so I keep a tear on standby, just in case.



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